Making Time For Romance

By Edel Jarboe


Connecting with your partner emotionally and physically is a
soothing balm for our frazzled lives.  A foot massage and a
sympathetic ear give us the chance to recharge our selves and 
our love lives.  But after a long day of putting out fires at 
work,handling numerous phone calls, writing up that report, 
shuttling the kids back and forth, cooking, doing laundry, 
walking the dog, etc., etc.- the last thing on your mind is 
romance.  With so much competing for our attention it is easy 
to focus on everything but each other.  So, how do you find the 
time to connect with your sweetie?  Make intimacy a habit just 
like your morning coffee and bagel by adding it into your daily 
routine.

1.  Compliment each other on the things you like and appreciate
about each other every day.  Let your partner know that he/she 
is in your thoughts and in your heart.

2. Create your own simple rituals that show that you care about
each other.  Find a way to connect during the day with a note, a
phone call, or an email.

3. Listen without giving advice, taking responsibility, or
trying to "fix" things. Let your mate enjoy the luxury of 
knowing that you are really listening.  Only give feedback if 
your mate asks for it.

4. Talk to each other about what's going on in your lives
besides the day-to-day running of the household or office talk.
Share what you are feeling.

5. Hold each other.  A simple hug can do wonders.

6. Instead of the standard, "How was your day?" exchange, pick
at least one good thing about your day and share it with each
other.

7. Give each other a kiss when coming and going.

8. Laugh together - often.

9. Plan a regular "date" night once a week.

10. Say the words "I love you."


You may be thinking that your relationship is the one thing in
your hectic life that is stress-free, so why change things?
While there is a certain level of comfort and predictability in 
a long-term relationship, the danger is that you may stop 
listening and may stop "being there" for your relationship.  
Knowing your mate inside and out can also give both of you the 
illusion that you can read each other's minds.  And this can 
lead to misunderstandings which, when piled on top of each 
other, can lead to relationship disasters.

Talk to each other.  Listen.  Ask questions.  Don't assume.
As you continue to grow and change as an individual, so will 
your relationship.  Keep the lines of communication open by not 
tuning each other out. This doesn't just apply to verbal 
communication either.  If your mate feels more like a roommate 
than a lover, perhaps you should incorporate 
more "togetherness" into your daily routines.  Love is in the 
little things, in the day-to-day details of our lives.


Copyright (c) 1999 by Edel Jarboe.  All Rights Reserved.

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About the Author: Edel Jarboe is the founder of Self Help for 
Her.com (http://www.selfhelpforher.com), an online self-help 
magazine helping you create your  better life. She also 
publishes a free weekly newsletter, which features advice on 
goal setting, stress management, coping with difficult people, 
and overcoming obstacles: Subscribe 
(mailto:subscribe@selfhelpforher.com) and receive a FREE stress 
report.

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